my health

It’s not Monday, but man-oh-man, does it feel like it!

Hi, I’m Alaina and I deal with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. Well, let’s face it, I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety long before babies and will have to deal with it long after my babies have grown. Sounds fun, huh?!

About a year ago, I shared a post all about this while pregnant. My days of “riding the wave” are LONG gone. Right now, treading water is the most I can do and I am realizing that it might be good enough…

I’m learning that I need to really take time for myself and practice being present. Wanting and taking time for myself doesn’t diminish my feelings for this family we’ve created, or so I’m learning.

For those, especially, who’ve had to deal with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety, this is hard, complicated, and maybe a bit embarrassing to admit…

All that brain dump to say, we aren’t dealing with this alone. I’m the first one standing up to say, I love my kids, but this shit is hard!

Today, I was going to tell you ALL about our Baby Shower from last week, but as I sat down to write this on Monday the only thing I could write about was my anxiety.

I’ve been on Zoloft now for a little over 2 months now and had my prescription upped a little over 2 weeks ago. We revisited all the nausea and insomnia that comes with the medication, as well as the increased feelings of anxiousness. Then that stopped (or rather lessened) and I thought I was in the clear. I enjoyed the week as it came, kept very busy, and was looking forward to the celebration.

Friday came and hit me like a ton of bricks. I started working through the techniques I’ve been learning, but nothing seemed to work. The water I was treading was getting more and more rough. Yet, I was still very much looking forward to the shower–the one thing I figured would cause my anxiety to skyrocket.

So, I rode the wave, as my therapist calls it. Every time I say ride the wave, I feel like I’m the stereotypical California surfer-dude. While riding the wave, I tried to keep myself busy. Checked off my errands, worked around the house, and prepped for the evening.

The reason I’m sharing this is to move away from the coddling, “oh no she’s panicking” thoughts that I, and others, have had. I’m trying to show people both close to me and at a distance (and let’s be honest, myself) that these bad days are here and getting through them can be very challenging, but are doable.

For me, this was the first time that I rode the wave, instead of letting it swallow me whole. While I struggled to ride the wave, I didn’t let it dictate my day, as I so often do. It was a hard day, yes…but it ended up actually being a success. That feels really strange to say. I have proven to myself that these baby steps are working. I’m learning that it is okay to be nervous, scared, overwhelmed, anxious, WHATEVER(!), but it’s even better to be honest with those around us and let them know how we’re actually feeling. If only so that we don’t feel like we are the only ones shouldering the weight.

With all that being said–Happy Wednesday! I hope you are having a great day!

Tag: my health

Mental Health Monday | Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

Anxiety Success?