Ah, Mother’s Day.
First, let me start by saying that this is not to send anyone towards a guilt trip. This is meant to be a hand extended towards those in the baby-trying season of life. An explanation of why this holiday is complicated for so many….
I remember celebrating this day and thinking how fun it would be to, one day, be celebrated. This year will be my first Mother’s Day, depending on who you ask. It’ll be my first Mother’s Day, celebrating with our baby and my 5th Mother’s Day, total. These last 5 years, I have found myself absolutely dreading Mother’s Day.
If I’m being honest, I’m on the fence about it this year, too.
The last 5 years, I’ve successfully avoided brunches, church, dinners, and so on. Not because I don’t want to celebrate the mom’s in my life, but because the nosy questions will always be asked.
Do you have children? Do you want children? When do you think you’ll have children of your own? Will you give your child a sibling? How many will you have? The list is huge…
In 2017, I had my second miscarriage, two days before Mother’s Day. That was, hands down, the HARDEST Mother’s Day.
I know that there are MANY women (and men) who would love to answer the above questions, but can’t yet. Or want to answer, but would do so in a way that would lead to pitiful looks and having to comfort strangers. Neither of which are enjoyable.
How do you tell someone…
Yes, I do have children. I have “x” amount, but they aren’t able to be here with me.
No, I don’t have children. I’ve been struggling with/to…for months, years, etc..
Any derivative of those 2 sentences tends to cause complete strangers to reel as if I have struck them. Sometimes, most times, it’s not worth it and is better to answer with a simple “not yet”. Those two simple words, “not yet”, aren’t so simple. They bring on a whole slew of thoughts and feelings that can’t always be expressed.
You are not alone.
I want to tell anyone who is dreading this holiday (or any holiday), feeling guilt, anger, sadness, you name it–you are NOT alone! At the very least, I know that it is hard.
Sunday will either drag or fly by, situation dependent. You may or may not leave the comfort of you bed, couch, house. Maybe you’ll turn your phone off, keep the lights off, and binge a TV show all day. You might cry, scream, or sleep. Whatever you choose to do, allow yourself to be.
Too many times, I have tried to grieve the “right way”. There isn’t a single way to get through these hard days.
For those that have no idea what I’m discussing, but know someone who might, shoot them a text. Talk to them. It might be exactly what they need. If they don’t respond for a while, that’s ok, too.
So, this Mother’s Day…happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there. Happy Mother’s Day to the obvious, and not so obvious, mom. Happy Mother’s Day to the mom struggling with the infertility process, whatever stage you may be at.
WE see you, hear you, and we are here for YOU.