I want a baby, but…

not optimizing my cycle for the last 8+ weeks has been wonderful.

I know my body has needed a break after being pregnant 3 times in 7  months, but I was nervous to stop. For the last year, we’ve had baby on the brain and have had incredibly high highs and devastatingly low lows.

After taking this break, I feel like we’ve grown closer, our stress from all things baby has decreased, and we’ve had fun. I think this was exactly what we needed.

In my most recent post, I talked about how December is going to be the month of testing. Today, we are jumping back into the fertility testing pool with both feet (and maybe one eye closed).

In some ways, I’m much calmer. We have a plan. I know what tests are going to be preformed. We have even more support from family and friends … In other ways, I’m as nervous as when we started. Our plan may not work out like we’re hoping. I know what tests are going to be preformed. I know the medications I’ll have to take, how they’ll be administered, and the side effects. Lastly, and the part that makes me the most nervous, is the fact that after doing all the tests and medications, we still might end up 3 months down the road with either no pregnancy or another miscarriage. That’s terrifying.

So, cheers. Here’s to the last alcoholic beverage I’ll probably have for a while. Here’s to not feeling sick for the last 8+ weeks. Here’s to finally fitting (somewhat comfortably) back into my regular clothes. Here we go!

I want a baby and now I am finally ready to optimize my cycles again.


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